Our Little Miracle

When I wrote my post about our experience with miscarriages and asked for your prayers, I never could have anticipated the response that I received. Countless people have expressed their sympathy and support, and so many have said that they have been praying for us. I have been humbled and filled with gratitude by this experience. I want to say thank you to all of those who have joined us on this journey.

It was just a few weeks after I wrote that post that we found out that I was expecting again. Of course we were thrilled, but I was also very scared. I tried very hard not to become too excited or attached, especially because it seemed that things were going poorly from day one. I really didn't think that the pregnancy would last long. I was blessed with a strong feeling that things were going to be okay, but I didn't know if that meant that the baby would make it or that I would have the help I needed during another miscarriage. A few weeks went by, and it came to the week before Easter. I was six weeks along and started having a lot of problems, and I was sure that I was done. I went to the doctor feeling like I had completely given up inside. I just wanted the doctor to tell me how soon it would all be over. That was when I saw this little guy for the first time.

The baby was only half a centimeter long, but that little heart was beating right along. The doctor said it looked perfect. At the doctor that day, I was overcome with hope and gratitude. I felt the Spirit remind me that with Heavenly Father all things are possible. I had forgotten that for a little while.

The adventures weren't over yet. I had to go back in for another ultrasound two weeks later to see if the baby was growing. I was terrified, and to make things worse, Kelson was leaving for 10 days a few hours before my ultrasound. I went to the doctor by myself, and this is what I saw.

At 1.65 cm, the baby was measuring just right for 8 weeks, and its little heartbeat was music to my ears. Again, I said lots of grateful prayers. At this point, I finally started to believe that we might actually get to keep this baby. I would love to say that everything was relaxed and easy after that, but baby kept us on our toes through the whole first trimester. I have seen the baby two more times, and it is still doing great. Kelson finally got to see the baby at our 14 week check-up a month ago, and he was thrilled. That was the first time he had ever seen or heard any of our babies, although I have seen them all. I wish I had pictures from the latest ultrasound so you could see how much baby has grown. It actually looks like a little person instead of a jelly bean!

I am so excited that we can finally share our great news with everyone. We held it in for the most part until 14 weeks, which seemed like forever. From the lack of blog posts for the past few months, you might guess that we haven't been doing much. The truth is that I have spent way too much time laying on our couch trying not to throw up (often unsuccessfully). I have spent almost all of the last 16 months either pregnant or possibly pregnant, and I was starting to feel like I would be stuck in my first trimester for eternity. I am happy to say that at 18 weeks I am finally starting to feel better. I even have the occasional day where I go all day long without any nausea. Those days are wonderful. I have moved on to being starving all the time now. Seriously. It is ridiculous.

All three times we have found out we were expecting, I told Kelson by giving him a Padres baby outfit. This is the first time I told him we were pregnant, last year. His reaction was priceless.

This time, he was a little less shocked and a lot more excited.

That photo is actually from last fall, but I can guarantee we are just as happy this time.

I don't know why we got to keep this baby and not the other two, but we are feeling incredibly blessed right now. I absolutely believe that part of the reason for our miracle is that so many people have been praying for us. I believe in the power of prayer and that with faith anything is possible. Thank you for helping us get our miracle.

Goodbye for now, Grammy

Yesterday, I said goodbye to one of the most beloved women in my life. My Grammy, Joyce Hindman, passed away last Friday from after suffering from several strokes. Grammy's body was worn out, and it was time for her to go home. It was a great blessing that I already had a trip home planned, so it was easy for me to be here for Grammy's funeral. Seeing all of our family and friends gathered to remember and honor her was wonderful. I was blessed with the opportunity to play a piano solo of "God Be With You Til We Meet Again" at the service. In all of the years that I took piano lessons, Grammy was at almost every performance. She was always there for me. I was very grateful to be able to play for her one last time as I said goodbye for now. I know that I will be with my grandmother again. Because of Heavenly Father's plan of happiness, I know that families can be together for eternity. The next time I see Grammy, all of the pain and suffering she went through will be gone. She will be herself again. I know that she is happy and that she is watching over her family from the other side. I love you, Grammy, and I look forward to being with you again.

Off to Separate Corners of the Country

Kelson recently had to go to Rhode Island for three weeks for some schooling, so my mom convinced me to fly up to Oregon while he was gone. I just started doing all of the online marketing for my parents' business, so it was a great chance to get a lot of work done. We were all very busy working during the vacation, but it was great fun.

 My mom is opening a custom furniture & home decor shop as part of their business, and I helped her work on some pieces to sell. Our favorite was this reimagined end table turned children's play table that we built little benches for.  Isn't it cute?!

 My parents already had a vacation planned to San Diego, so rather than flying back home, I drove with them. We had a great road trip through California. We spent the first day driving through southern Oregon, which was freezing, and spent he night in Redding. On day two, we drove through the bay area and stopped off at the Jelly Belly factory.  Awesome!

 We spent that night in Monterey. There is a possibility that we may live here while Kelson goes to grad school in a couple of years, and visiting definitely made me excited about the prospect. It was a beautiful little town.

 On day three, we headed for San Diego. Along the way, we stopped off at Solveng, a Danish town north of LA. I have lots of Danish ancestors, so visiting this place was really fun. We had some authentic Danish food for lunch, and it was delicious.

 We made the fatal mistake of driving through LA rather than around it, resulting in hours stuck in traffic. Never again! That was awful. Luckily Kelson was a good sport about having to wait at the airport for two hours until we could make it to San Diego.

 We spent the long weekend playing around San Diego with my parents. On Saturday, we went to the Birch aquarium in La Jolla. The most exciting moment was when a guy proposed to his girlfriend during the fish-feeding show.  That was fun.

 Beautiful view overlooking La Jolla cove from the aquarium.  I love my dad!

 On Monday, we went to our favorite beach on Coronado and then got some delicious homemade ice cream in Imperial Beach.  My parents also got a personal tour of Kelson's ship.

We are so grateful to my parents for everything they do for us. We love you Mom & Dad!

Miscarriages & Miracles

I have been pondering about writing this post for a long time. I wasn't sure if it was something that I wanted to open up about to everyone. My mind was changed as I read Christmas letters from all of our loved ones this Christmas season. It struck me as I read these annual updates from our friends and family that we are all quick to share the exciting and wonderful things that are happening in our lives, but we kind of tuck away the difficult parts and try to deal with those ourselves. In reality, those are the things that we should be sharing with the people who care about us so that we can help bear each other's burdens. How is anyone supposed to know that we need extra love or prayers if we hide all of our troubles? Therefore, I have decided to share a little deeper look into our lives.  The truth is that 2012 was one of the most difficult years of our lives, and we could use some extra prayers.

About a year ago, Kelson and I decided that the time was right for us to start a family. In no time, we learned that I was expecting a baby, and we were thrilled and just a little bit terrified. I was 3 weeks pregnant when I started my first real nursing job, and that was a huge challenge. Over the next two months, I was blessed to have fairly mild morning sickness.  Even though our baby wasn't due until November, I was already having a grand time looking for baby things and planning for the future. My sister sent me a gift for the baby just so that she could say that she had been the first. Our future looked so bright. The baby was coming long before Kelson was due to deploy, which made it perfect. Everything was working out.

The only trouble at that point was that my job was extremely stressful, and I felt like that was bad for the baby. I finally decided to resign from that position and look for something part-time until the baby was born. Two days after I submitted my resignation, the day before Easter, I started showing signs of threatening miscarriage. We prayed for an Easter miracle. What better day for a little life to be saved, right? I received a priesthood blessing that day, and we continued to pray for a miracle. The next day, I spent several miserable hours at the emergency room. I finally had an ultrasound, and the baby's heartbeat was beating loud & clear. It was my first time seeing the baby, and it was a miracle. The doctor told us that we had a 50/50 chance of keeping the baby.  We went home and continued to pray.

I miscarried the next afternoon after the most painful night of my life. We were heartbroken. That little baby had been so real to me, and it was just gone. My whole vision for our near future was gone with it. I was left with no baby and no job. It was a bad time.  I told very few people about our miscarriage, mostly because few people knew that I was pregnant. I had one friend who knew, and she was at my apartment with dinner within an hour of when I got home from the hospital. She will never know how much that meant to me. She had experienced a recent miscarriage herself, and it was very therapeutic to be able to share our similar trials.

Life moved on, and though the pain didn't go away it did lessen. We were anxious to get pregnant again.  Five months later, in September, I learned that I was expecting again.  Once again, we were thrilled and a little terrified, although the fear had a new quality this time. Something that was once purely hopeful was now tainted with fear that it wouldn't last.  Unlike my first pregnancy, I had 24/7 morning sickness and spent most of my time laying on the couch. Sadly, I didn't feel as connected to this baby as I had the first one. I didn't want to feel such intense love for something that could be taken away so easily. That didn't make it any easier when I started showing signs of complications in mid-October. I went to the doctor, and once again I heard a tiny heartbeat. After that, the problems seemingly disappeared, and we moved forward with home. Two weeks later, I went in for my ten week appointment by myself because Kelson was stuck at work. The moment they told me that my baby didn't have a heartbeat was one of the worst of my life. It was completely unexpected. How can life go from so wonderful to so horrible in an instant? I walked out of the clinic into a crowded hospital with tears streaming down my face, and no one even seemed to look twice at me. I felt so alone. I had to wait several days to have a D&C, all the time feeling pregnant but knowing that my baby was no longer alive. That was a terrible week.

You might ask why I titled this post "miscarriages and miracles"when I didn't get the miracles that I asked for.  The truth is that my prayers weren't answered the way I wanted, but they were answered. I have never felt more strongly that the Lord is with me and aware of my pain and my struggles. I did see miracles in my life. It was a miracle to me that I got to see both of my babies and hear their little hearts beating before they were taken away. It was a huge miracle to me that Kelson was home during both miscarriages. I don't know how I would have done it by myself. The Lord has put angels in my path every step of the way. During my second D&C, we were blessed with an amazingly kind doctor. That was a miracle to me. I have seen the Lord's tender mercies at work in my life.  I prayed one awful morning that my grandma could be my guardian angel for the day, and shortly after that my aunt sent me a blanket that belonged to grandma in the mail. She had no knowledge of my prayer. It was a miracle.

I have also come to realize that I can't make things happen on my time table; I have to put things in the Lord's hands, and everything will work out for the best. When the Lord decides the time is right for us, a baby will come to our family. In the mean time, I will move forward with faith and make the most of this time of my life.

Before I end this incredibly long post, I want to say something to all of those that have struggled with miscarriage or infertility.  There is hope. God loves you. He is there for you. Your Savior has felt your pain and can bring you the peace that you seek. Find someone to talk to about it. You don't have to go through this alone.

Last of all, I would like to ask for prayers to help us have a baby. I have faith in the power of prayer, and I know that Heavenly Father listens to us. Thank you to all of those who have known about our struggles and who have supported us in the last year. I love you all.

There's No Place Like Home For the Holidays

We traveled all over for our Christmas vacation this year. Kelson was busy with work, so I headed home a week early.  My trip started with an early morning flight to Salt Lake, where my sister, Katy, picked me up on the way home from BYU. That way I got a cheaper flight, Katy didn't have to drive alone, and we got to spend the day together.  Score!

 There are few things happier than a Cafe Rio salad and tres leches cake with your sister.                         This was definitely worth a detour into Ogden.

In our family, Christmas vacation is synonymous with inventory. Fortunately, technology has made this a much faster activity than it was when we were kids. Katy and I spent some quality time scanning items. Other activities in the first few days of our vacation included the church Christmas party, lots of board games, and a trip through the snow to Elgin to see White Christmas on stage.

 Annie got her Christmas present a little early. I made her a felt doll with a whole wardrobe of outfits and a house to carry everything in. I may have gotten out of control.

 Kelson and I wanted to visit his family in Seattle this Christmas, so it worked out great that my parents were already planning a trip to Seattle to see Elf: the Musical. I even got to see the play with them (Dad was super nice and gave me his ticket). It was great. Kelson's plans to fly up to meet us there got delayed by a day, so I had a whole day to play in Seattle with my parents and Katy. One of the fun things we did was see the gingerbread festival at the Sheraton hotel downtown. They made edible replicas of all of the Disney castles plus some other fairytales. It was so cool!

 We finally picked up Kelson and got to his sister, Jehana's house about midnight, and we had to leave by 10:00 the next morning. It was a short visit, but it was great to see Kelson's family and give the kids their Christmas presents. We love all of our family!  Our visit to Seattle was great, although the endless downpour made me question our desire to go there on our next tour. It would definitely be a hard transition from sunny San Diego.

Kelson's nieces are so cute!

 Back in Baker, we finished the preparations for Christmas, including a batch of Grandma's raisin bread. It isn't really the holidays if there is no raisin bread.

 We almost never eat in the dining room at my parents house, which makes Christmas Eve special. As dictated by tradition, we had lasagna, french bread, and Diane's beautiful layered jello salad. For dessert, Diane and Roger brought huckleberry cheesecake.  I love them!

After dinner, we all gathered around the piano for a little musical performance and caroling. This is one of my favorite parts of our Christmas tradition. This year, Kelson joined in the festivities with a harmonica performance. He just started playing a few months ago, and he is doing great! Kelson and I had a new adventure this year. We wanted to see what a midnight mass was like at the Catholic church. The church in town didn't have one, so we went to an earlier Christmas Eve service. It was very interesting. Seeing how other people do things and experiencing new things ourselves is always fun. We topped off our Christmas Eve with Mr. Kreuger's Christmas and then prepared for Santa to come.

Every Christmas before this one, we opened presents at home and then spent the rest of the day at my grandparents' house. They moved into town this year and now live next door to my parents, so we spent the whole day at home on Christmas. It was different, but we all had a wonderful day. Santa was very kind to us, but more importantly, we had our family home, and we all got to spend the day together. We ate in the dining room on Grandma's china for the second day in a row, which is an unprecedented event. After dinner, we went to see a movie, another Hindman family Christmas activity.

Dad always gets a toy for Christmas, and this year it was rockem sockem robots. I totally dominated.

Kelson and I ended the day with a walk through the deserted, snow-covered streets of town. 

It was a wonderful way to end a perfect Christmas. 

There was so much snow that we just had to go sledding. Kelson had a brilliant idea to go off of a jump.  What you can't see in the picture is that the "jump" consisted of a block retaining wall with a four-foot drop. Katy and I heard a big thud and then a lot of moaning. Smart, Kelson. Smart.

Before we flew out, Kelson and I spent a day shopping in Boise with my family, including some delicious frozen yogurt. Whoever thought of putting ottomans in a restaurant was a genius. We were sad to say goodbye, but it was good to get home too. We are very grateful that we had the chance to be able to see so much of our family this Christmas. Family is what makes the holidays wonderful, and our family is the best.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: San Diego Style

It was our second Christmas season here in San Diego. We may not have snow here, and it may look like Spring outside, but Southern California still manages to find some Christmas Spirit. 

 One day, I received a 5-foot cardboard cylinder in the mail. (It was sealed with gorilla tape, so I know my dad was in on the project.) Inside was an advent calendar just like the one that was on our mantle the whole time I was growing up.Every day, we got to open a little box which contained a note and something special, most of which were handmade clay figurines crafted by my mom. You may think your mom is the coolest, but I'm pretty sure you are mistaken.  I have the best mom in the world.

 For the kitchen table, I created a forest of Christmas trees.  I love how they turned out!

Meet Tiny Tim, our beloved, crooked, living Christmas tree.  This is his second year with us.

 One Friday, Kelson didn't have to work, so we spent the day at Sea World.  I have never been to a theme park at Christmas time before, and it was awesome! The whole park was decked out. 

 If you have never petted a sting ray, you are missing out.  It was so cool! They love being petted and will come right up and suck on your fingers. We went back twice.

 This is where San Diego kids go for their winter fun.  They have a whole area full of manufactured snow for the kids to play in, including a tiny sledding hill.  I thought it was hilarious.

 The 4-D movie was Polar Express, and you walked out the door into a "snow storm". How often do you get snow and a palm tree in the same picture?

The park stayed open late so that you could see all the lights. We rode up in the sky tower at dusk and looked over the whole city.  Beautiful!

 One Monday night, we went to a concert at the temple grounds for FHE. The San Diego temple goes all out for Christmas, including tons of lights and two life-size Nativity scenes. What better place to celebrate the Christmas season?

 I spent the six weeks before Christmas playing Santa's elf and loving every minute of it. I created custom gifts for all of our nieces and nephews (except the babies.  I will get to them next year when they can appreciate it. Don't worry, I still love them.) I made little felt roads that you can arrange in all kinds of shapes. I did one with horses and one with race cars. I also made art cases, puzzle bags, and felt dolls. For our moms, I made temple bags. I'm not sure what to do with my time now that I am done with Christmas presents.  I guess it is time to start on next year!